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Independance Day

     I was 24 hours early.  But still.  It hit me right between the eyes...  Independence day... It had been a long time since I'd had a new feeling.  I mean that in the way that most people mean a new pair of shoes or a new book or pair of pants or a haircut.  I had been feeling the same feeling over and over, recycled and watered down from repetition.  It was somewhat stale now, from over- exposure and maybe even habit.  But this new feeling crept in, then leapt onto the scene. What was this?  A breath of fresh air - or maybe just another swirling eddy in a normally painfully still murky pond - gusted through and around in an area that was like the inside of a genie's bottle.
     That's nice, I thought; the chaos and confusion that comes from a newly remembered repressed- and-then-forgotten revelation.  Finding an old favorite toy was sort of akin to this feeling. Only there was this intensity and fervor to the flight of the butterflies in my tummy.  I didn't know whether to give in or run for my life.  Who could've known? Independence day was still 24 hours away, but inspiration struck a spark. It burned hot and fierce and then settled to ashes and embers.  The blazing fire was now in my gut, in my eye, and coursed through my thoughts.  Even though I felt a strange sense of triumph, there was also a part of me that felt a calm resignation. My body was tired, beat, and I knew soon my mind would be walking around in circles like a dazed puppy.
     Take a deep breath.  Pause.  Think.  No, feel.  What had it been like, to fall in love?  What had it been like, to feel the first twinges of betrayal curl around the edges of that perfect garden of a bright, blue, white-clouded day?  It was hard to recall such a thing, after many hours/days/ lifetimes of rehearsed numbness.  I was practicing for a marathon of pain that was to leave no psychological scar. It was something to pass the time.  It was something to keep my mind occupied from that insanely inexplicable feeling that was beginning to remember itself again.
     I am alive.  No, I am dying.  Wait, there is no difference.  I remember.  Independence is the dance you do when you are free.

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